Fluff and Not

Life has been full. Promotions, concerts, baseball games, birthdays, graduations, parties. I feel a bit as if I’ve had the air knocked out of me. How did my children get this old? How did I? And I desperately need to take a nap.

I haven’t been knitting, but I have been cross stitching. Jesse told me last night that he thinks I need to go back to knitting as I’ve always been happy while knitting but I get very short tempered and ragey while cross stitching. I have to admit, I’ll like the finished product and it’s very satisfying when it goes well, but I sometimes go a little cross eyed and miscount and having to rip out all those neat little x’s makes me grouchy.

I’ve managed to take three trips to the library in the last four weeks. We weren’t quite ready to go this week, but we all had books that we reserved come in so they needed to be picked up. I still have one book from the previous visit to tackle, so I really should get reading. We’ve had a couple afternoons were we all just pile in my bed and read and it is as heavenly as it sounds. And much needed with all the running we’ve been doing.

So that’s the fluff…on a more serious note:

I’ve been off of FB for a little over a month. I removed the instagram app from my phone yesterday. I need the break. I completely fell apart when someone posted pictures of immigrant children with mylar blankets on mats and three pictures down a different person posted that the situation is awful, but inevitable without Jesus. (I mean…WTF). I still read my newspaper. I’ve called my representatives. I’ve looked for other ways to help (because I feel so, so, so helpless) and I will continue. But I can’t handle the commentary. Or pictures of children in cages interspersed between yarn, and homesteading, and food porn. I’m know I’m guilty of the sunshine and roses feed filler too, but the juxtaposition is knocking me on my ass. It’s a really hard time to be a thin skinned, empathetic American and still be sane. Anyway, please call your representatives. PLEASE. The treatment of these families…of these children…is evil and there is no justification for it. Period.

So…that’s me. Messy. Busy. Trying to control the controllables and do my part while finding joy. How are you? What has been on your mind lately?

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  • “Ragey cross-stitching” — That made me snort with laughter, Kate 🙂 .
    You must have picked a new pattern — I’m looking forward to seeing how it turns out.

    I know just what you mean on the “how did my children get so old” front — last Thursday my daughter had her university convocation. I swear she JUST started!

    I’ve been reading a ton, working on assignments and doing readings for my courses, knitting, walking, trying (not very successfully) to learn to practice mindfulness . . . all in an effort to keep my anxiety down and my thoughts from churning over the state of, well, *everything*. Up here, we’re reeling, tbh, watching what’s going on, hearing the words coming out on Twitter . . .

    • Oh congratulations to your daughter, Marian!! How wonderful (and even to me it seems like she just started – I remember you talking about it!)

      I keep hearing more and more about people starting a mindfulness practice and it sounds really, really good and…beyond my abilities. 😉 I recently downloaded a mediation app that a friend recommended to help with the anxiety and thoughts of *everything* and it’s definitely something I need to continue to practice because I am NOT good at it.

      And yes, today it sounds like we are turning a corner on this immigration issue. I’m really hoping so. Granted the damage has been done for so many families already, but I really hope we can stop more damage from occurring. And this is just one issue. I’m beyond heartbroken. 2020 can’t come soon enough.

  • I’m so with you about some of the comments regarding refugee children. What’s wrong with these people who aren’t horrified by what is going on? How cold is your heart? Seems to be that Jesus might have something to say to them. It makes me livid and defeated, unclear about what to do next.

    • Yes. To everything you said. Though I’m just beginning to realize that there are still people who don’t get that there really shouldn’t be an “us” against “them”. I’m more frustrated with the people who are saying “eh, it’s awful but what can you do about it?” I mean, I realize there is a limit to how much one person can do, but we can certainly do SOMETHING. You can call/write/email your representatives, you can remember this when it comes time to vote, you can encourage others to do the same, you can donate to one of the many none profits that are trying to provid support. People who shrug their shoulders are the hardest for me to understand. And I’m losing patience.

  • Hi Kate,

    First, congratulations on all the life-filling stuff. I hope you are squeezing all the joy out of it that you can. Because these are times in which we need to squeeze whatever joy we can find.

    I’m not worried about my sanity, but my mental health has been taking a beating. And, yeah, some of that comes from the kind of juxtaposition you’ve described here. How can people post pictures of their gardens and food and such when there are children living in cages thanks to our government? It all feels unreal, and it makes me question my perceptions (maybe it really isn’t THAT bad?) and it makes me question/judge others. And yet, we do still eat and pull weeds, right? Because we have to eat and because not pulling the weeds won’t really do anything. And because pulling the weeds and attending to other things can help us maintain the health we need in order to keep speaking up and out.

    I appreciate you helping me feel less alone in my bewildered outrage.