It’s Tuesday. These are my Things.

 

On Friday, Violet had a playground accident and broke her wrist. She’ll be in a splint at least until Friday when the orthopedist will take new x-rays and decide if she needs a cast and for how long. She’ll probably be missing most of her swim season so she’s disappointed, but taking it well. “At least it’s not my writing hand, Mom, because then I’d really go crazy”. She fantastic, tough, and brave. I’m lucky to be her mom.

Knitflixing: I’ve been watching The Great British Baking Show. My mother-in-law introduced the show to us this summer and some new episodes have been released. Violet and Abram also enjoy it so it’s something I can watch with them while I work on one project or another.  Currently that’s a simple seed stitch scarf in some beautiful merino/cashmere yarn. So soft and squishy. I’m using the charcoal/onyx helix colorway and the variation in color is very, very subtle. I also have the yarn for a new pair of socks wound and ready to go so I’ll probably be alternating those two projects with an embroidery project.

Reading: I finished As Brave as You which was a book recommendation from Violet. I love sharing books and book recommendations with V. Granted, she seems to read fewer of my recommendations that I read of hers. She’s a voracious reader, but she’s also much pickier than I am. I just started Every Kind of Wanting and I’m reserving final judgment, but I’m enjoying it. I’m about seven books away from my reading goal from 2017, so I’ll need to decide if I want to read or finish Christmas presents. Every year this time I wish I could listen to books or read and craft at the same time (there are actually people who can do that!!!) but I can’t.

Thinking about: Urgent vs. important. Being intentional with my time, my physical and mental energy. What and who matter most to me. What I want things to look like a year from now, a month from now, a week from now. What will get me there. What needs to be jettisoned. Purpose and plan. And a lot of home remodeling decisions.

Listening to: Some favorite Spotify playlists lately include: Autumn Acoustic, The Unrequited Mixtape (the Lucinda Williams’ song on this is in my top 5 of all time), Have a Great Day (this last one makes cleaning my house so much more enjoyable).

So that’s us. How are things in your corner of the world?

Tuesday Things

We had snow. It didn’t stick, but it was lovely and I was a bit like a child in my delight. I’m a firm believer that if it’s gray and cold, snow makes it worth it. Our Halloween was frosty. About a half an hour before it was done our neighborhood was pretty much quiet. I gave two teenagers the remainder of our candy (they were appropriately thankful) and then went in and took a long hot bath. Violet went as “Queen of the Cats” which is basically a cat costume with a tiara and a lot of jewelry. It’s perfect for her. Abram was a magician at school but traded in the hat and wand for fangs and blood for trick or treating.

I’ve been “Knitflixing” Doctor Who while completing two pairs of socks and one mitten for the month of October. I’m hoping to get the second mitten finished tonight. I sat down and made a list of handmade gifts and as long as I don’t get sidetracked I think I should be able to accomplish all of them. Maybe. I’ll definitely have to consider my priorities. Do we really need clean clothes? Dinner?

I have lots of thoughts on Doctor Who. I watched the 9th and 10th doctors and have just started watching the 11th. I’m told he will become my favorite but I don’t see how anyone could usurp David Tennant. I’m only a few episodes in though so I’ll reserve final judgement for a bit.

In other news…I haven’t much in the way of news.

I haven’t been using my camera as much as I would like.

I’ve been writing and doodling a lot. (Ordered a new notebook. Bright Pink this time.)

I’m working on Christmas lists and trying to get my shopping done. (I missed my all gifts purchased by Halloween goal, so I’m trying to finish by Thanksgiving. The crafting I’ll take right up to the end. Nerd emoji here.)

We went to the kids’ school fundraiser with friends. It was a really nice night. I tend to get very mushy after nights like that because I’m lucky to be surrounded by fun, kind, interesting people. It’s even better when I get to call them friends.

I’m trying to write an actual post (and not just a Tuesday update) but I’m struggling to do justice to my thoughts and now my laptop is in the shop so I can’t promise when I’m actually going to get around to posting that.

And that’s me. What are you up to this week?

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Boo, October.

Snippets of life lately. Messy rooms, unmade beds, little things that tug at my heart strings. The sign up there that says Katie’s Room? I spent an afternoon in my grandpa’s shop and he helped me make it when I was young. It’s battered, made of scrap wood, and painted in colors that make me shake my head today, but I’ve carried it with me from one move to another and always found a place for it. I miss my mom’s parents. (My dad’s mom is still around and sharing her wisdom and spirit.)

The last few days have been decidedly fall. Late mornings, early evenings, gray, windy, rainy. October. I have a love/hate relationship with October. Mostly hate. I don’t care what L.M. Montgomery says.

I’ve been working tirelessly on socks. I don’t know how many pairs I will manage to finish before Christmas, but I’m hoping at least one or two more (I currently have six some of which were supposed to presents for other things, but eh). Then I’ll tackle some mittens. I did wet swatch Jesse’s sweater and that’s ready for me to start, but I’m a little intimidated by the pattern. I’ll be learning a few new skills which I’m excited about, but I don’t know if I’m ready to tackle that just yet.

Less television (though I’m watching and enjoying the final season of Scandal) and more listening to Spotify and the Ani DiFranco of my 20’s. The Ani DiFranco definitely says something about my headspace lately. I keep thinking that I should find some good podcasts, but haven’t. Any interesting ones to share? (Nothing too terribly newsy or depressing, please.)

I need to pick up my camera more.

I’ve been writing a ton. I don’t know how much of any will make it here.

I finally found a calendar system that works so well for us. We use the telephone calendar for appointments (everyone has their own color) and I have a Leuchtturm notebook for lists and what not. I still look at my Filofax longingly. I mean, there is what works and what I wish worked, but I have to admit the electronic calendar is just more practical for our family.

I recently read, Spoiler Alert: The Hero Dies which was a recommendation from Andy Cohen’s Instagram account. It was a melancholy gray October day and I needed a good cry. I didn’t love the writing, in fact, I kind of hated parts, but it fit the bill. When Breath Becomes Air is on my nightstand too, but I’m worried that one may be more than my depressed October heart can handle. I’m about halfway through Thinking in Pictures but I may just have to give up. I feel like an asshole saying that it’s choppy and repetitive and grating, but it is. (I’m an asshole.)

And that’s me. How are things are you corner of the world/interwebs?

On Feminism: Me Too

It’s Tuesday. I’m sitting here after a particularly draining session with my personal trainer. I told her I needed to work so hard that my brain shut off. I’ll feel my abs until Saturday and my brain is still going.

I’m tired. Exhausted is actually a better word. If there a word more severe than exhausted that’s actually the right word, but I don’t know it. Physically yes, but also mentally and emotionally.

It comes in waves. The frustration. With the “boys will be boys” and the “that’s just who they are” and the need to put on a smile and go about life as if everything is just perfectly fine because it’s easier if you play the ostrich.

I volley between angry and heartbroken and scared. Sometimes I feel all three. Mostly, just heartbroken and scared.

I see things I didn’t see a year ago. I’m more tender to them. I react differently. I don’t laugh at the unfunny jokes. Sometimes, when I’m brave I even say I don’t find them funny. Occasionally, I open my mouth and say more. I wish I didn’t regret it, but often do.

I don’t want to be that person. The stick in the mud. The angry feminist. The raging voice that grates and annoys.

But I am angry. And I am a feminist. If only because I realize now how it’s still necessary to be one. We still live in a world where men find assault or the bragging about it okay, or worse, funny. Women who still blame the victim. We still have bullies who haven’t been taught our personhood is a right not because we are someone’s wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend but because we EXIST.

And I don’t know what else to do with my voice. I’m tired of swallowing it down and smiling and running away and keeping peace. Maybe people need to be annoyed? Why aren’t more people annoyed? Why aren’t more women just PISSED?

I don’t know how to find the balance yet. I don’t sit well in tension. I worry, I fret. I want people to like me. But I don’t know how long I can want that because as much as I want to be liked, I want things to change more.

I’m angry and heartbroken and sad. I’m more than exhausted. I’m absolutely terrified and uncomfortable and I don’t know if any of the things I do or words I say are going to matter one tiny little iota.

But I won’t be quiet.