oh katie joy

Decisions

A few years back, I learned the easiest way to achieve a goal is to make it not something I should do, but something I WANT to do. So when I started to think about a 30 day challenge in April, I knew that it wouldn’t be “eat a salad every day” or “delete all social media”, but something that lit me up. I’ve brainstormed a list and narrowed it down to things I know I’ll delight in doing every day for a month.

Once a top 10 list, but in the typing process some didn’t feel very delight-y, so here we are:

  1. Make just for the fun of it art
  2. Meditate
  3. Walk outside
  4. Read
  5. Organize, purge, spring clean
  6. Knit
  7. Photograph
  8. Stretch

I don’t know which one it will be.

We’re almost done with the bathrooms. We have some bits, bobs, and fiddly things to take care of, and plenty ahead in terms of staircase and what not, but we’re settling in and it feels lovely.

I have things I would do differently with the information I have today, but who knew that the toilet I really wanted with the a 12 month lead time would have been a realistic choice back when I was deciding those things?!? This remodel was almost comically cursed, but Violet and Abram were wonderfully good, we survived, and c’est la vie. I’m enjoying the process of slowly unpacking and moving back in, daydreaming about the details of organizing and decorating.

Outside of my little corner, I am sad and angry and frustrated. I wrote a whole thing about genocide, and Nazism, and how I remember being in 4th grade and thinking Mr. Wyns was wrong when he told our class that despite thinking we would stand up to the Nazi’s, most people actually wouldn’t. Then I hit publish, panicked, and am publishing this instead.

We’re watching how a genocide happens in real time but if you say that out loud, at least in certain places, you’re deemed uncredible. And so I’m scared and sad and angry and frustrated. While also being joyful and hopeful and silly. Feeling all of that is a lot. So I’m exhausted. I’m scared and hopeful and sad and joyful and angry and frustrated and silly and exhausted. That’s a lot, but I can handle a lot.

And while I want my family and friends to feel joyful and and hopeful and silly and happy, I need them to feel sad and angry and scared at what they are seeing. AND I need them to speak to that (and vote against it). Because what’s happening is hurting people I love, while other people I love are staying silent, which means I feel joyful and sad and scared and hopeful and frustrated and angry and silly and exhausted and alone. And that…that alone part? That is too much.

Friday Finds

Source

I came down with the worst cold this week and while I have a couple soap box posts in the works, the ranting and raving will have to wait until I’m more coherent. I do, however, have a few links to share.

  1. I’m always amazed at the creativity of people. (Do you have a favorite? I’m torn between a few different ones.)
  2. I wonder if I can get my teenagers to indulge me in sketchbook or craft time this summer.
  3. No beach vacation for us this spring break, but I’m daydreaming.
  4. Another place featured in my daydreams.
  5. Best list of lists.
  6. I watched this, agree, and would watch another season. Feel free to judge me. I judge myself.
  7. March watches on Hulu and Netflix. (I’m Apple+ Ted Lasso watching.)
  8. Found this article on Montessori interesting.
  9. Just…squeeeeeeee. I’m in love.
  10. I used to have this happen as a kid and I still have left behind-esque rapture dreams. (What’s really messed up is I still think “God’s warning you to get right” when I wake up from them.)
  11. Close up.
  12. “All True At Once” (TW: suicide. Thank you for the link, Rita.)
  13. Thinking about a 30 day challenge for April.
  14. Lisa Olivera is someone I recently found this post of whispers and nudges contained lots of wisdom.
  15. I worked here the summer between high school and college. So many stories.

Unrelated, I’m wondering (after a debate this last weekend) are Sesame Street characters muppets or does that designation belong to muppet show titled characters only? What do you think?

Happy weekend!

Tuesday Things

I started writing this while sitting on hold. Listening to some overly jaunty music that I think was a purposeful attempt to make me give up and go away and not cancel the subscription. Most everything lets you cancel online nowadays – even if you do have to search a bit for the button, and having to jump through the hoops of hold music and human interaction cemented my decision that I am no longer interesting in doing business with that company. My mom’s mom (who learned to drive at about my age now) used to shake her first at people who did dumb driver things. I want to shake my fist at having to listen to overly jaunty music.

We’ve been in the basement for 10 months. Our project won’t be 100% done until the beginning of April (educated guess) but we’ll finally be back in our bedrooms this week. In the process of getting ready to move closets, I noticed how my wardrobe has changed in the last few years. Color, pattern, and political statements. It looks like it was cultivated by my inner 8-year-old. That girl was not shy with the opinions. I laugh when people say I’m outspoken now. I mean, I am but I know all the things I’m not saying in my head.

I miss little kids not because I miss the stage as much as I miss screens (phone, television, game systems) not being a part of our lives. I miss puzzles and games and paint and forts and sledding and baking and PLAY. Listing all that makes me realize just why I was so exhausted in those days. (I don’t miss being exhausted.)

I saw a thing ages ago about living to make your 80 and 8 year old self proud, loved it, tucked in my back pocket and looking at the above paragraphs, I think I’m threading that needle.

I’m pretty sure Molly has gotten addicted to anti-anxiety meds. The nail gun and air compressor make her an absolute wreck who will climb up onto my lap and shake uncontrollably, so I called the vet who recommended a daily dose of some kind of doggy Xanax (I can’t remember the name). Now she’s asking for them even on days when the workers aren’t here. I don’t give them to her, but feel guilty so now she’s gets pumpkin every day. She’s about to turn 11 and has had some health issues. She’s slowing down. Just a little. And while no one else would guess her to be so old, that nagging thought in the back of my mind makes me want to spoil her all the more.

Thanks for listening to my ramble. Let’s talk things.

Reading: I finished Wintering by Katherine May and will definitely be re-reading it. I read it slowly. Leaving it on my nightstand with a pencil, reading a chapter now and then. It felt good to savor a book. I’m creating a separate TBR list of books like that. I also finished The People we Keep by Allison Larkin and We Deserve Monuments by Jas Hammonds (this was a Violet recommendation). I’m currently reading Why Fish Don’t Exist by Lulu Miller (Rita’s recommendation) and it’s different but I like it.

Watching: The Last of Us (HBO), Shrinking (Apple) which I’ve talked about previously. Ghosts – Season one. I think you can watch this on Paramount but I bought the whole season based on the recommendation of a friend and it’s worth it. It’s sweet and funny and quick.

Knitting: Just madly working on my sock yarn blanket. I’ve almost used up all my advent mini’s. I need to find other mini sources because I can’t knit socks fast enough to finish this blanket without them! Though I owe Jesse a pair of socks (or three) and I have two pairs promised to friends. Waiting to get moved back upstairs and the sock yarn sorted!

Making: Abram and I were watching The British Baking Show and he told me how much he missed chocolate cake. He may have told me how much he missed it a few different times during that episode. So I ordered some of this to make this. The frosting was really rich (my mistake – I used a combo of dark and semi-sweet chips because that’s what I had on hand) but the cake was good. These are next on my dairy free treat making list.

So that’s me! What are you reading, watching, listening to, any other -ing you want to share?

Friday’s Tuesday Things

I want to remember these days. The hard days with the push and pull of kids and parents transitioning through teenage years. The months (almost 9 now) of living with one bedroom and one bathroom and making the best of it. The whole of January being a gray, cold never ending month that we slogged through with skis strapped to our feet. Hockey games, and dances, curling up with books and yarn, and finding shows to watch with each kid. Taking advantage of Jesse’s some place warm meetings to get in a few days of alone time in the sun. (There was a huge worldwide poker tournament at the resort and I had the best time people watching and eavesdropping while pretending to read.) The pink/coral of flamingo is my favorite color.

Abram had his high school open house. Violet has begun talking about checking out a few (very far away) college campuses this summer. They’re only heading into their junior year, but they do want to narrow down some things. I am excited. I am sad. I don’t know how long, long days and years just disappeared into these that fly at a lightning pace. I want to do it all over again. Except I don’t. I just want to suck all the marrow out of my memories and squish as much joy in these days as I possibly can. Or do it again but with all the wisdom I’ve gained from the last 15+ years.

I haven’t talked about it here much, but a little over a year ago I started to learn how to love myself. Like really. It was a light switch moment brought about by years and years (and years) of counseling, tackling some really hard stuff without the support that I needed (and not knowing how to ask for it), Gary Janetti’s instagram (no lie), and accepting that if I wanted to live a life I wanted, I was going to actually have to stop asking for permission and live it. I started to tease the people around me that if they wanted the Kate who stepped up and made the plans, and executed the plans, and kept life humming along smoothly, they also had to accept the Kate who was bossy and persnickety and not afraid to say what she needed/wanted. A little side note: I was talking with my mom the other day about someone in my life who wants to be seen as perfect. My mom laughed and said, “I know some one like that. Her name is Katie Joy.” I laughed too and said, “Oh, I don’t care if people think I’m perfect, I just need to be perfect.” We laughed over the distinction, but then she said, “No, you really have changed in that regard. Especially in the last 12 months”. I’m still finicky and exacting. I’m defensive and dramatic. But learning to not just accept my quirks, but to delight in them, has changed my life. Profoundly. This is one of the major reasons I chose delight as my word for 2023. I want to delight in all of it. (I want to remember this feeling too.)

Now that I’m a little misty: it’s not Tuesday but let’s talk things.

Reading: Some great reads: Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver, The Heart’s Invisible Furies by John Boyne, Book Lovers by Emily Henry. Some okay books: Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus, Things We Do in The Dark by Jennifer Hillier. Some I wouldn’t recommend: All the Dangerous Things by Stacy Willingham, The Most Likely Club by Elyssa Friedland. I’m also slowly working my way through Wintering by Katherine May and The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yogas Ethical Practice by Deborah Adele (this one is a year long practice that I’ve committed to. I think I will continue to dip in and out of it even after the year is over – there’s a lot of wisdom in it.)

Watching: On Peacock: Traitors (with V, we loved it). I’m very excited to see Andy Cohen host the reunion. The most recent season of The Real Housewives of Miami (just started). HBO: The Last of Us (very into this). Apple TV: Shrinking (loving, but it makes me sad too) Netflix: The Glass Onion (fun)

Knitting: I finished a baby blanket for a friend’s sister and have been spending a lot of time trying to get the advent mini’s on the sock yarn blanket. (I’ve been reading a lot, so less to report in the way of knitting).

Listening to: One of my good friends got me a year long subscription to wondery as a Christmas present so I’m committed to listening to more podcasts. A few that have captured my attention: Even the Rich, American Elections-Wicked Game, Imagined Life. Violet is always listening to a podcast and some of them sound amazing. I should really have them make a list.

So that’s me. I hope you are well. And I hope you have a lovely weekend!

If I were…

It’s a gray, gray snow day so I’m going to play along. Thanks, Kari.

If I were a month, I’d be September.

If I were a day, I’d be Sunday. 

If I were a time of day, I’d be when the sun hits the horizon.

If I were a sea animal, I’d be a pufferfish.

If I were a direction, I’d be northwest.

If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a rocking chair.

If I were a liquid, I’d be rainwater.

If I were a gemstone, I’d be emerald.

If I were a tree, I’d be a crab apple.

If I were a tool, I’d be a spreadsheet.

If I were a flower, I’d be tulips.

If I were an element of weather, I’d be a tornado.

If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a piano.

If I were a color, I’d be yellow.

If I were an emotion, I’d be joy.

If I were a fruit, I’d be a plum.

If I were a sound, I’d be waves crashing.

If I were an element, I’d be osmium.

If I were a car, I’d be a Chevy Camaro.

If I were a food, I’d be asparagus.

If I were a place, I’d be a beach on Lake Michigan.

If I were a material, I’d be velvet.

If I were a taste, I’d be anise.

If I were a scent, I’d be fresh cut lumber.

If I were a song, I’d be “You Are My Sunshine”.

If I were a bird, I’d be a junco.

If I were a gift, I’d be…I am a gift 😉

If I were a city, I wouldn’t be.

If I were a door, I’d be a screen door.

If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be brightly colored clogs.

If I were a poem, I’d be Good Bones by Maggie Smith.

Friday Finds

Source
  1. This book list made me smile.
  2. Honesty or support? (This (and whether it is mutually exclusive is something I’ve been thinking on a lot lately.)
  3. The shrimp tree is a tradition with Jesse’s family (we use kale as the green).
  4. I found myself wondering this the other day…and then I stumbled on the answer.
  5. Materials before vision. (Also, this.)
  6. I think these are so cool.
  7. What to watch on Hulu in January.
  8. “I hurried for a long time…”
  9. The colorful ones are my favorites.
  10. And wow.
  11. Courage over confidence.
  12. There are so many random cool things on the internet. This is one.
  13. This made me laugh, but I do love the aesthetic (as the kids say).
  14. 102 random acts of kindness. (Thanks, Kari!)
  15. Top Google searches of 2022.
  16. The Satisfaction of Practice.
  17. Journaling ideas.
  18. I love these. So much. But can’t bring myself to pull the trigger.
  19. It’s okay to not be liked.
  20. Did this quiz work for you? (It did me.)

Happy weekend!!

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