I see these two (and all the versions they were before) on their first days of school. I feel pride in the people they are becoming, worried at the challenges they will face, tender toward the ways in which I have failed them, hopeful that their individual strengths will continue to shine. I am grateful for the long years filled with memories that have lead up to these days that pass faster and faster. I have turned into the woman who says wistfully, “It goes so fast.”
It goes so fast.
Every time I sit down to write you, I start trying to explain what life looks like here and I can’t, so I stop. And then try again later. This has happened multiple times over the course of multiple weeks so I’ve decided I’m just going to share some things even though it isn’t Tuesday.
Reading – Ripe by Sarah Rose Etter, Trust by Domenico Starnone, Morgan is My Name by Sophie Keetch*, Blue Hour by Tiffany Clarke Harrison*, Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma by Claire Dederer*, Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo*, Land of Milk and Honey by C. Pam Zhang (pre-print), Legends & Lattes by Travis Baldree*, Women Talking by Miriam Toews, Birnam Wood by Eleanor Catton, Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt*, A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles*, and The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life’s Final Moments by Hadley Vlahos. I especially enjoyed these.* My TBR is obnoxious so I’ve started making a stack of books, asking on social media what other people recommend I should read next and then grabbing whatever calls to me. Sometimes it’s what someone recommends, sometimes it’s not even something in the pile. They’ve become my favorite posts.
Watching: The Bear (Hulu), past seasons of Real Housewives of Orange County, the most recent season of New. York (Peacock). I could use some recommendations.
Making: These popsicles (and they are so easy and good), and BLT’s because we have so many tomatoes. So. Many.
Knitting: Not a thing. Just haven’t been feeling it lately.
Listening: I am not usually a podcast person, but Normal Gossip was recently recommended to me, I listened to an episode while traveling, and now I’m hooked.
So that’s things here. What about you? What are you -ing lately? Enjoying these last weeks of summer?
When things get overwhelming, I take walks and I make lists. This is a doozy. But the painters are supposed to start this week, which means they’ll be done next week, and the remodel will be (imperfectly) DONE so it’s definitely time to settle. I wonder how many I can check off before the end of the year.
“I pledge allegiance to the flag, of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands. One nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all.”
It’s been more than a few years since I’ve stood next to a desk with my right hand over my heart and recited the pledge, but it’s engrained so deeply, I can type it from memory some 30+ years later.
With liberty and justice for all.
Yes, we’ve failed in it. Fell short of it even back when we were writing “all men are created equal”.
But the promise. The promise of it sure is beautiful.
*If you want to keep the star spangled, purple mountain majesty vibes you should stop reading.*
I’m currently reading a book, Monsters by Claire Dederer. In it, she talks about art, and the flawed people who create it. As a critic, she wants to know the calculus of whether and how we can separate the good of what was created from the stain left by a deeply flawed artist. As we celebrate the birth of our nation, amidst Supreme Court decisions that have me in my feelings, I’m wondering the same thing about the US.
We are a country founded by men who owned men, who didn’t even consider women, who murdered and oppressed nations of people who lived and died here long before our country existed. How do we separate the good, the promise, from the stain left by these men? Can we?
I have no answers. I have a lot of doubts.
Happy 4th!
It’s summer. The days are an endless string of sunny and hot. Both of my children are the kind of brown I used to spend my days being (before we knew better). The Sun Bum I toss in their bag and my admonishments to reapply go ignored as they spend their days at the community pool either playing or working (depending on the child).
Abram is at camp this week. Violet is working. As I’m writing this, I can hear the clock’s pendulum swinging, the birds, a neighbor two houses down mowing. The laundry starts a spin cycle. I once longed for this kind of quiet. Now, I don’t quite know what to do with it. At some point they’ll both be home next week, watching some annoying YouTuber and bickering about who is taking up too much of the couch, and leaving the detritus of teenagerdom (chargers, earbuds, earrings, dirty socks, dishes, spare change) everywhere and I’ll wonder at myself feeling so sentimental. My feelings swing like the clock – just slower and wider.
I go to bed early. I get up early. Jesse and I sit and have coffee on the front porch until the house finches start harping on us that we are too close. I skipped hanging baskets for two years but forgot why. They are why. The baskets are absolutely destroyed. I don’t blame the finches- what a wonderfully safe place to build a nest if the humans are accommodating which, of course, we are.
We’re almost at the end of work without reward garden season. It won’t be much longer before I’ll start harvesting. We did more of fewer this year – tomatoes, green beans, pumpkins, cucumbers. Today, I weeded and thinned some of the green beans (I let them go too long). I smushed squash and cucumber beetles – resented the space I gave the garlic when I planted it last fall. (I can’t help but think of all the things I could be growing.)
I like to be busy with lazy things – reading, knitting, gardening. I organize drawers and sort yarn. I make lists of projects that need to be tackled and slowly, I tackle them. I putter.
Let’s talk things.
Watching: I ended up with a month’s free trial on Prime so had to watch Shiny Happy People. (The Duggar documentary.) Certain parts of it brought back things I grew up with in church that I hadn’t thought about for years. I talked about it with another person who grew up with an Assembly of God/fundie background and one of the things we realized is that our husbands (who did NOT grow up that way) noticed and focused on certain things, and we focused on very different things. I’m curious if there is a big male/female difference or a fundie/non-fundie difference (or both). I want to get to the last season of Mrs. Maisel before the trial expires.
Reading: Ripe by Sarah Rose Etter. It’s coming out in July and it’s very good. Dark. But good. I thought it was a quick read. (I go back and forth on whether the preprints/discount or book conversations are the best part of my job) Others I’ve finished: The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai – one of the best and most beautifully written stories I’ve ever read. Top 5. The Daddy Diaries by Andy Cohen – I love him and I love his books. Last Summer on State Street by Toya Wolfe – Great characters. Good debut novel. Will be interested in reading more from her. Firekeeper’s Daughter by Angeline Boullay – This was hard for me to get into but once I did I really enjoyed it. I don’t know if the difficulty was caused by the small amounts of time to read when I first started or if it had been super hyped or if it was just a slow start – but by the middle of the book I was glad I stuck with it. Solid 4 stars. Currently reading: Trust by Domenico Starnone. My next TBR will come from the pile above – any suggestions?
Knitting: Finished Jesse’s socks. Have to get those blocked this week. The picture above is the yarn I received from Wool + Honey’s Sleeping Bear Dune Yarn Club subscription and it’s gorgeous. I keep going back and forth on whether I’m going to make socks with it next or really truly get started on my sheep pillow. (Probably socks.)
So that’s me! What are you currently -ing? Hope you are doing well and enjoying your summer. Look forward to hearing from you!
Me, to Jesse: I want to quit my job.
Jesse: WHAT? You love that job. What happened?
Me (laughing): Oh, not THAT job. My other one. My unpaid one.
I was only kidding, but I also told my mom that the only reason I could keep working is because I found something that I love enough to make it worth it. I have zero understanding of how full time working families do it. (My mom says they have fewer hobbies and less of an obsession with things being just so.)
May was just a month. Lovely and fast and too full and exhausting.
June feels a bit that way too. Abram is now a freshman. V has their last day of school today before becoming a junior. I am officially the mother of two high schoolers. I have two detail things to finish (a runner for the stairs and pocket door hardware) and a lot of painting and then I will be unpacking boxes and reorganizing paces and returning our basement to a teen hang out. We’ve been so hot, and dry, and hazy from Quebec wildfires. Temp are supposed to cool down this week, but there is still little to no rain in the forecast and every morning we get a new air quality alert.
Let’s talk things.
Watching: Succession. I’m glad it’s over. I didn’t like a single character but felt compelled to keep watching. I loved The Diplomat and the last episode of Ted Lasso. (The rest of the season felt meh, but I love all the characters so much.) I also watching Missing on Netflix one night while knitting away. It’s not my usual fare, but held my interest.
Knitting: I’m working on Jesse’s socks. Finished one. Almost at the heel on the second. I think I’m going to try and do at least one pair of socks a month this year. I owe so many people socks! I also really want to get the sheep pillow finished at some point this year.
Reading: Yellowface by R. F. Kuang (I stayed up too late to finish this. The main character is truly horrible and yet I liked and rooted for her. I loved it.), When We Were Birds by Ayanna Lloyd Banwo (weird and beautiful) Horse by Geraldine Brooks (beautifully written, a little heavy handed at times early on, but I thought the ending was very well done), Chorus by Rebecca Kauffman (the person who recommended it called it “quiet” and that was such a good descriptor. It’s also very sweet.) Heartburn by Nora Ephron (very strong voice, but otherwise unimpressed). I’m also slowly reading Poverty, by America by Matthew Desmond and trying to get more time to read The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai (VERY sad. VERY good.) Since goodreads is Amazon, I’m trying to transition to using The Storygraph, if you want to follow along with what I’m reading.
Making: The garden is in and sprouting. The heat has definitely upped the weed pressure so I’m impatiently waiting for the plants to get a little bit bigger to help keep those at bay. My carrots did well until I thinned them but now I have no carrots. I think the heat fizzled them out but the beans and tomatoes are growing. I smile every time I see my zinnias getting a little larger and I’ve got my fingers crossed for my pumpkins. I have the worst luck with pumpkins.
So that’s me. Would love to hear how are doing and what you have been -ing the last few weeks!