I turned 44. We saw Moulin Rouge to celebrate. It felt so good to be at a live performance. Abram turned 13. V started driver’s ed (the classroom portion. They have to wait until they’re 15 to get the actual permit.) I went to Michigan not once but twice and will write more about that on a day that isn’t today. I’ve gardened and painted by number and done laundry and jumped in the lake for our Memorial Day tradition (it was cold). The bathroom remodel was pushed back yet again. I’ve been a horrible friend and a merely passable mother/wife. I have dishes on the counter, clothes piled high to be put away, and the coffee table is a mess of dirty socks, water glasses, nail polish, books, and knitting. But I’m sitting here and writing to you because I want to remember these days that wash away faster than my childhood drippy sandcastles. Let’s talk things.

Knitting: I’ve added a few more squares to my blanket. Finished a pair of socks. Started another. I have five dishcloths that need to have their ends woven in.

Watching: Hacks (HBO), The Janes (HBO) Somebody Feed Phil (Netflix), RHOBH (purchased a season pass), Yellowstone (purchased), Ozark (Netflix, with Jesse). The Janes is definitely worth a watch. Hacks is worth watching if you don’t have anything else. Somebody Feed Phil is one of those shows that I dole out like candy when I need something dear and sweet. RHOBH is cotton candy. Yellowstone was introduced to me by my father who only watches Westerns. (The only difference between Gunsmoke and Days of Our Lives is the target audience but don’t tell him that.) I watched the first season of Ozark (and the second, but I didn’t remember most of that one) but started watching again with Jesse. We’re just about to the third season. It’s rare when I find something he’ll sit and watch and I cherish it.

Listening to: Harry’s House (Harry Styles), Dance Fever (Florence + the Machine). On repeat. The Moulin Rouge Broadway soundtrack. The stage show was amazing.

Reading: Start Without Me by Gary Janetti, and The Paris Apartment by Lucy Foley. The Kindest Lie by Nancy Johnson is what I’m currently reading.

Making: I managed to finish my Chicago cross stitch. I need to have all three framed and now I’m looking for a new project. I also have really been enjoying painting by number – finished a more simple kit and am working on my second Van-Gogh-esque one.

So that’s me. What are you -ing in your corner of the world?

It’s Wednesday. It’s cold and rainy. Yesterday, this happened.

Today, I will place an order for pick up at Target. I will do laundry. I will send my children to school. I will worry about whether they are being picked on or are picking on others. I will worry whether their homework is done and if they’ve done their best work. I will worry about them using their manners. (I will run a collared shirt to Abram when we’ve forgotten today is a Mass day.) Most days, I wouldn’t worry about a shooter, but today I will.

I will call my representatives. I will feel heartbroken and helpless. I will pay the bills and balance the checkbook. I will unload yesterday’s dishes and load this morning’s. I will make each kiddo a list of tasks to finish today when they come home from school. I will hope they come home from school. I will scroll through Instagram. Feel frustrated that today’s outcry will be tomorrow’s outfit post. I will feel hypocritical as I type this.

I will text a friend about a show we are both watching. I will make beds and pick up shoes. I will pick my kids up from school. Today, I will think about all the parents who thought they would be picking up their kids from school. Tomorrow, I might think about them too. By Friday pick up, I will be thinking about our weekend plans.

Our ability to adapt is a blessing and a curse. We should not be able to adapt to this.

I will put one foot in front of the other. I will forget. I will hope to never feel this way again. I will not be surprised to feel this way again.

1. Stay cigarette free. (Two years+ and counting!!)
2. Finish Chicago embroidery project.
3. Frame & hang embroidered cities.
4. Knit a sweater.
5. Knit the sheep pillow.
6. Continue to practice unapologetic self-confidence.
7. Complete the second floor update.
8. Hang family picture wall.
9. Celebrate my people.
10. Take impeccable care of myself.
11. Get a mole screen.
12. And a mammogram.
13. Tend the garden.
14. Try canning.
15. Go to Colorado.
16. And Michigan.
17. And NYC.
18. Renew passports.
19. Take the summer off Instagram and Facebook.
20. Have a yard sale.
21. Make a NYC picture book with V.
22. Celebrate 20 years of marriage with Jesse.
23. Continue to cultivate a cozy, welcoming home.
24. Practice boat (and boat trailer) proficiency.
25. Get Abram through boater’s safety.
26. And V through driver’s ed.
27. Refine the home binder & checklists.
28. Write a short story.
29. Unsubscribe from email lists/catalogs.
30. Read.
31. Go on a picnic.
32. Purge kitchen cabinets.
33. Use the state park sticker.
34. Eat at home for a month challenge.
35. Make artistic messes.
36. Donate my time to a cause I care about.
37. Start planning the deck/patio/garden update.
38. Complete a 100 day challenge.
39. Take a ski lesson.
40. Ride 1500 miles.
41. Work on flexibility.
42. Set up a game cart.
43. Get a birdbath.
44. Reacquaint myself with my big camera/manual.

Past years: 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 42, 43.