Today has been hard.
Not because of any external circumstance. Not because of something that was said or unsaid. Not because of things done or undone. Simply because my hormones are off and I have a feeling of impending doom. Days like these I think every good thing is an accident, every bad one deserved. I just know that my friends (who love me) simply tolerate me because they’re too polite to do otherwise. I’m certain my husband (who is amazingly loyal and kind) probably wants to have an affair. I don’t have a doubt that every person I’ve ever met (who is busy living his/her own life) is right this very second thinking or talking about what a horrible, socially inept loser I am.
In short, my lenses get all screwy and I’m just a bundle of fun to be around.
Depression is something I’m going to fight for the rest of my life but in the last few years, I’m learning to manage it. Riding it out and checklist-ing it into submission, I have the freedom acknowledge it without being ruled by it. And that gives me hope.
But today is just hard. I feel creepy crawly and itchy and mushy and weepy and like I need to be loved but that I’d lash out if anyone got too close. And I really just need to not be PMSing anymore but I’ve got another day or so – so say a prayer for me that tomorrow will be better, okay? And then I’ll be all weepy and mushy and not all grouchy and pouty.
Do you have days like this too?
ABSOLUTELY. And I've had a lot of them in the past year. You are not alone.
Andrea Howe says
We all have days like this. Hugs to you. I know how hard they can be. XO
I am sorry that of all the things I could share with you, I shared those awful hormone genes. They come from a long line of Chaney women, including your grandma. I wish I had given you peace, insight, control. Just realize there is progress in realizing what the cause is.
Thank you so much! I'm sorry to hear you've had a lot of them in the past year, but it does make me feel better to know I'm not alone.
Thanks, Andrea. It really means a lot. XOXO.
Love you, Mom! You shared lots of other good genes with me too!
Beth K says
I am so happy you wrote this blog and that I read it today! I totally feel you girl. I have been feeling this way for a week or so. PMS SUCKS. I too get over emotional, hateful and stressed. Pushing everyone who loves me away and then when the dreaded PMS passes I feel terrible crying and apologizing for my nastiness. I often experience anxiety during this time too. That also sucks. I'd give you a big hug if I could, but maybe that wouldn't be so welcomed right now either!!! Know that many of us ladies go through this and we appreciate you being so open and honest and sharing so that we too know that we are not alone 🙂
Thank you, Beth! I don't wish this on anyone, but it helps to hear I'm not alone in my frustration! Hope you feel better soon too! XOXO.
I give you credit for writing about! Sometimes I feel like society wants us to always be happy and chipper….to put on our phoney smile and pretend everything is ok. Some days are just junk days. Feel like junk, eat like junk, don't pick up the junk. Embrace it, then let it go and don't feel guilty (throw that day(s) in the junk drawer with everything else!!).
Love the idea of throwing it in a "junk drawer" and telling society to shove the phony smile and fake chipper right up it's happy….well, you know what I'm saying 😉