Today has been hard.
Not because of any external circumstance. Not because of something that was said or unsaid. Not because of things done or undone. Simply because my hormones are off and I have a feeling of impending doom. Days like these I think every good thing is an accident, every bad one deserved. I just know that my friends (who love me) simply tolerate me because they’re too polite to do otherwise. I’m certain my husband (who is amazingly loyal and kind) probably wants to have an affair. I don’t have a doubt that every person I’ve ever met (who is busy living his/her own life) is right this very second thinking or talking about what a horrible, socially inept loser I am.
In short, my lenses get all screwy and I’m just a bundle of fun to be around.
Depression is something I’m going to fight for the rest of my life but in the last few years, I’m learning to manage it. Riding it out and checklist-ing it into submission, I have the freedom acknowledge it without being ruled by it. And that gives me hope.
But today is just hard. I feel creepy crawly and itchy and mushy and weepy and like I need to be loved but that I’d lash out if anyone got too close. And I really just need to not be PMSing anymore but I’ve got another day or so – so say a prayer for me that tomorrow will be better, okay? And then I’ll be all weepy and mushy and not all grouchy and pouty.
Do you have days like this too?