Tuesday Things

The to do list is at a whisper for the first time in weeks and it’s Tuesday so I thought I’d say hello. Most of the leaves have fallen (we have two trees that are holding out yet) and we had our first smattering of snow. The neighborhood deer are starting to scrounge for food so we either bring in the bird feeders or they’re emptied over night. (At $80 for a 50 pound bag of safflower, we bring them in.)

Cross country season finished. Basketball began. Swim isn’t quite over yet, but will be soon. I spend hours every week sitting in a car waiting to pick someone up from some thing or another. Running kids, listening to them with friends, and chatting on the sidelines with fellow parents feels wonderful after almost two years.

Being back on meds has created space for me to feel feelings without being overwhelmed by them. And I’m always feeling every thing. I am well and content and happy but also grieving and sad and scared. I still cry a lot. The big jumble is good/comfortable, but hard to write and part of why this little corner has been so quiet. The other reason is things.

Let’s talk about them, shall we:

Knitting: I finished Jesse’s socks, started (and finished) a pair with knitted wit‘s melted crayon colorway, knit up a sockhead hat with some gorgeous merino/cashmere/nylon yarn club V dug out, and now am on the second sock of yet one more pair of socks using must stash’s vespa colorway.

Watching: All that knitting results equates to a lot of television watching. I finished the most recent season of Ted Lasso (Apple TV), You (Netflix), Sex Education (Netflix), and have been watching Succession (HBO). Ted Lasso is still my favorite television show EVER. Movies watched include Black Widow, Free Guy, and Promising Young Woman. Titanic came out on Netflix so watched that one night with V. It’s crazy to me how old that movie is and how it was such a moment. (He totally could have fit. And young Leo…swoony.)

Reading: I finished Verity by Colleen Hoover (not for me), The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek by Kim Michele Richardson (okay), and Serious Moonlight by Jenn Bennett (recommended by V, cute). I have nothing going currently, but a recommendation for Bright Side and have hopes to read something over the weekend.

Making: I have some embroidery projects going for Christmas and have spent a good chunk of time working on my Chicago cross stitch project. I’m already mulling ideas for what I’m going to attempt after Chicago is finished. Copied a neighbor and made this apple cake after she posted it on instagram. It was delicious. We’ve also been doing some puzzling. This one was a favorite. And lastly, I made myself a promise that I would take at least one peloton class a day for the month of October and I’m pretty sure it’s the first time I’ve ever kept a daily October challenge. I rode over 150 miles and hit some fun milestones. (I have 100% drank the peloton kool-aid. I love that thing.)

So that’s me. I’m spending my days getting up early, drinking coffee, checking things off my to do list, making pretty things, loving my people, day dreaming, and going to bed early. Not a bad way to spend a life. I’d love if you caught me up on what you are -ing.

Friday Finds

  1. I’ve become more of a morning person over the summer. I may try and incorporate these ideas to keep it going.
  2. On a scale of 1-5 where do you fall? (I’m probably a 3.)
  3. NYT recommended book list for fall 2021.
  4. Grocery shopping inspo.
  5. I’ve started Christmas shopping (and updated my wishlist).
  6. I find this to be satisfying eye candy.
  7. Also amazing.
  8. This makes me want a pool.
  9. Just when I think the world can’t be weirder, this.
  10. Robin is one of my favorites.
  11. Toxic positivity is bad for kids.
  12. My retirement dream.
  13. Hmmmm.
  14. To send your real life pen-pal.
  15. Habits vs. routines.
  16. Make a playlist with friends on Spotify.
  17. It’s almost time to decorate pumpkins.
  18. I guess I’m going to have to break out the puzzles again.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Tuesday Things

The first blog I ever wrote was called “UpsideDown Kate”. I started writing it soon after becoming a new mom, because I went from being the kind of person who wanted a career and no babies to the kind of person who had a baby and no career. I wasn’t unhappy with the switch; I had made that decision joyfully, but I was also in over my head. I had no idea what I was doing, and was certain I was doing it badly while everyone kept telling how happy I should be.

Has anyone ever noticed that someone telling you how you’re supposed to experience something is the actual worst? I don’t think I have ever (in the history of ever) been more frustrated than by someone telling me that I should feel something differently than what I am feeling. I didn’t feel happy. I felt alone and scared but writing it down and putting it out into the world made me feel less alone, and eventually, better.

The blog has changed a bit since those days, but I still come here because you remind me the way I feel is exactly okay. Sometimes, you have good suggestions on how to experience it differently, or gently point out an angle I hadn’t considered, but mostly, you remind me that I am not alone in the way I see, or feel, or think about whatever it is that I’m seeing/thinking/feeling. And you let me just ramble on about the things I’m doing which is fun too.

Last week, I started Prozac (again). It’s been too many years of struggling while thinking, “This is external stuff, not me stuff. Things will get better.” Hoping that the world would get its shit figured out before I needed medication has me questioning my lifelong membership to the pessimist club. The struggling became too much. Whether external or internal, things haven’t gotten better and my plate is full. Full of health stuff, and raising adolescents, and raising adolescents through health stuff, and extended family stuff, and grief, and the shit storm that is the daily news. I talked to my doctor. I started meds.

It’s been a lot. I feel alone, and scared, and frustrated with people telling me how I’m supposed to feel. (Thank you for not being those people. Toxic positivity sucks.) Some days, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing and failing miserably and I recognize that I’ve been here before. The gap between where I want to be and where I am is widening, and I’m not sure how to fix that just yet, but being honest and putting it out into the world seems like a good enough place to start.

For those of you on the other side of the teeter-totter, KEEP SHARING YOUR JOY!! It makes my heart so happy to see it and reminds me that I’ve been there and will be there again.

Speaking of joy, did you see that cute little guy in the corner of that nasturtium picture? He was a happy little surprise when I downloaded them.

And because it’s Tuesday and I’m here:

Reading: I listened to Obama’s book while working on some house stuff this weekend. I still have SEVEN HOURS TO GO. I even sped it up just a smidge. It’s NEVER ENDING. I may listen to something else for awhile. Read Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid and It Ends with Us by Colleen Hoover.

Watching: Violet and I watched Dug Days (Disney+) which are some adorable Pixar shorts. Abram and I watched Luca (Disney+) which was also fantastic. For adult (and I mean adult) viewing, I watched Sex/Life (Netflix). Not for me.

Knitting: Have the foot of Jesse’s sock to finish, then the hat, then I need something that feels inspiring.

Making: This (We were doing hello fresh for awhile during the pandemic, and this recipe has continued even after we discontinued that service) and chili because I have the peppers from the garden and onion from the CSA and V requested it. I am going to spend some time either cross stitching Chicago or playing in my sketchbook. I need some not knitting creating.

So that’s me. I hope this finds you on the joy side of teeter-totter. And as always, I’d love to hear what you are -ing if you have the chance.