I know; it’s Wednesday, but I’m overdue for a post. Most days I’m forced to choose between blogging and something else. Obviously, the something else has won, and on the days when it hasn’t, I’m two paragraphs in before some thing needs my attention right this second. This isn’t a complaint. I’m pleasantly busy and on days when I have more time, I’m reading or knitting or doodling or making lists or working on a project. Or watching basketball. This may be Abram’s last year playing (though I hope it isn’t) and I’m trying to soak up all the bleacher moments I can. I haven’t been as good about capturing little moments with my big (or little) camera and I hope to work on that while also staying off Instagram. (I decided I needed a little break to focus on my own creativity…and never ending to do lists.)

I used my Christmas money and bought those adorable wooden dolls for myself and these leggings. I’m Benjamin Button-ing my soul. Delight and joy in 2022. And omicron, but I can only do what I can do about that. (How are you all? Staying healthy? Mentally? It’s hard work – mental health in a pandemic.)

I had a new friend reach out to me to let me know that the community garden had plots opening up, and I put in and got one. It’s a short walk (an even shorter bike ride) and adds an additional 400 square feet to my garden space. I’m excited to garden with my neighbors and Jesse turned up his nose up at adding more raised beds to our landscaping (at least for the time being) so this was a wonderful compromise. I’ve ordered seeds and a few starts. I’m going to try cucumbers, potatoes, and sweet corn in addition to things that I’ve tried before. As a stretch this year, I’m also going to attempt canning, and I’ve picked up a couple books with that in mind. (This and this if you’re curious.)

Let’s talk things.

Reading: I set a goal of 52 books this year and cancelled my audible subscription. I try and I try but rarely do I get a book to connect on audible. Non-fiction and classics I’ve already read/liked seem to be the best choices, but I just don’t think read-alouds are for me. Here’s what I’ve read since we’ve last chatted: The Good Sister by Sally Hepworth, The Impossible Girl by Lydia Kang, Paper Airplanes by Tabitha Fornay, Writers & Lovers by Lily King, Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty, Everyone in this Room Will Someday be Dead by Emily Austin, and The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood. Writers & Lovers was hands down my favorite of all the above books. I love Lily King and this book was especially delightful. I also really enjoyed Austin’s book. The Love Hypothesis was very trope-y and the whole “broody bad guy except to me” story is not my favorite. I wouldn’t recommend that one.

Knitting: Socks. And socks. And socks. I have plans for other projects. I have no idea if I’ll ever get to them.

Watching: I watched the second season of The Morning Show and the third season of Succession. I find myself drawn to watching them, but I don’t like the characters and I don’t really like the shows because of that, but I also know I’d watch any new seasons of either one so…whatever that means. I absolutely loved Don’t Look Up (Netflix). Being the Ricardos (Prime) was not what I expected, but good – even if I did have hard time with jumps in chronological order. Violet and I are watching Arcane (Netflix). It’s beautiful and heartbreaking and dark. (This may be an unfair generalization, but I think it’s easier to like that kind of thing when you’re 14 and not 43.) Abram and I watched Encanto (Disney+) and have plans to see the newest Spiderman in the theater because we keep hearing how great it is.

Making: I’ve been working on Chicago, but I’m taking a break because I spent one whole evening on it and the next evening realized a mistake and ended up removing every single stitch I had done the night before (and then some). I’m a sucker for a notebook/creativity project and am doing this in 2022. Final decisions for the remodel we’ll be starting in the spring. (I’m not nearly as prepared for this as I was for the kitchen remodel which seems like it could be problematic with shortages, but fingers crossed.) In this kitchen, I’m making this salad, this soup, these meatballs, chili, and this salmon. (I haven’t been very adventurous in the kitchen. Any recipes you can recommend?)

So that’s me. Looking forward to hearing how you are doing and what your -ings are in 2022. Are you starting to feel like you’ve found a post holiday groove?

I should be knitting, or working on an embroidery project, or doing laundry, or wrapping presents, or making beds, or prepping dinner, or any other thing on my to do list, but I don’t feel like it. And while I don’t really have any “things” to share with you, I do feel like being here, so I guess I’ll ramble.

We’re watching Christmas movies (we’ve watched Home Alone twice already) and working on Christmas presents and I’m wondering where the month of November went because it was Halloween, I blinked, it was Thanksgiving, and tomorrow is already December.

Our Thanksgiving was made up of part of our family – some having other plans, some in other states. I laughed a lot and cried a little. We made two pies with two different types of pumpkin and held a taste test. Ate too much and took a walk in the dark wearing a flannel nightgown and leggings commenting on the neighborhood lights. The cold against my cheeks felt like childhood.

Our tree is up. The “real garland” and porch pots and lights decorate the front porch, but the yard is bare and green. The nutcrackers sit atop the bookcases and candles are scattered for extra cozy light, but the nativities and stockings and garlands are still tucked away. I love the giving and warmth and light of this season. I hate the consumerism and forced cheer and too muchness of it.

I needed a new pair of jeans – my body (very) slowly changing from 2020 year of sourdough to 2021 year of Peloton – so I bought a pair of “mom jeans”. I am delighted by them. I also ordered myself a pair of Bass loafers, and pout every time I get an email notifying me of the extended backorder. Fourteen year old me and 43 year old me have a truce brought about by taste and budget. V walks down the stairs in 501’s, Docs, and an oversized sweater, while the mirror reminds me of my additional 29 years of wisdom. V and I laugh in shock when Spotify plays a song we both know and like. “How do you know this?” we say at the same time. (They learned it in an IG reel, I Shazam’d it after hearing it in a television show, the generational differences bridged, but still apparent.)

I feel in limbo. I grieve – mistakes I have made, mistakes others made that broke pieces of me, and whole list of things I wanted, didn’t get, or can’t have. I have a list of things I wish I could do again. Differently. Or the same but with more attention paid. I am the happiest I have been in years. I have lines drawn up around me – lines that feel less like a wall and more like a bubble. I wish I had always had this bubble. I am jealous of people who knew how to create one at a much younger age, who didn’t need to fumble and stumble nearly as often. I am full of all this happy and sad and jealous and content and I don’t know how to hold it so it spills over and runs down my cheeks. I wonder at how a few months ago everything felt raw and hard and now everything feels raw and soft.

This my life right now. Except it isn’t, really. My life is actually more like buying groceries, cheering in stands, nagging about homework, transportation logistics, and staying up too late to be getting up so early. (No one tells you how much the teenage years mimic the baby years in terms of worry and exhaustion or if they do, you don’t know enough to pay attention.)

Thanks for letting me come here and share it with you. I hope you are well.

I met up with a friend and her two young children for breakfast today. We talked favorite colors and Rescue Bots and being nervous/excited for kindergarten. It was a gift. I’ve been crying (often) at the linear nature of time, and wishing that 33-year-old-Kate could have the wisdom of 43-year-old-Kate and that I had an afternoon (or year, or whole lifetime) with the little people who have become bigger people. I know everyone tells you…but like everything else you can’t know until you experience it, and by then it’s too late. I’m not above being a toddler at the unfairness of it all.

We’ve had sleepovers and birthday celebrations and (not enough) time with out of town family. V finished school last week, goes to camp next week, and starts high school swim the week following. A will be at camp a week after V. We started shopping for school. The summer bucket list is half complete, but I doubt we’ll finish much of the remainder. I feel like every year at this time I talk about how the days are lost to laundry and lunch making and this year is no different.

Let’s talk things.

Knitting: I’m in the process of switching over my office/craft space with V’s bedroom and that has involved some inventory taking. I need to knit faster. I’ve almost finished a pair of vanilla socks (I tried a twisted 1-1 rib on the cuff for the first time and really like it). I have my next pair picked out and I’m going to do a hat that I’ve stashed away.

Watching: Ted Lasso (Apple) is back and I’m THRILLED. I watched the final season of Atypical (Netflix) and have been watching Bloom (a florist British Bake Show on HBO) with Violet. It’s very sweet.

Reading: Our 7PM family reading time has gone by the wayside since summer started, and it shows in my list. I’ve read the first two stories in the Agatha Raisin series (Ally, I think you recommended these?). They’re a very sweet British murder mystery. Beach Read by Emily Henry (★★★★★). I think Midnight Library will be next.

Making: Summer = popsicles. These pineapple-orange-banana ones are a bit icy, but good. This week, I made some mango/coconut popsicles but realized I’m not a fan of mango. Abram (who likes mango) thinks they’re really delicious. Next, I’m going to make these blueberry coconut ones. We decided we’re going to try to eat at home for every meal this month. I’d love some simple, good, quick recipes if you have any. Banana bread. This shrimp dish (which never has any leftovers). Salmon salad. (Even my non-salmon lovers enjoy it in this salad. It’s a little bit of work, but worth it so I’m only making one dinner that everyone enjoys.) And I can’t eat nuts right now with the braces, but if you can, make this salad. I’ve been known to use precooked beets (love beets is the brand) from the supermarket in a pinch. It’s my favorite salad.

So that’s me. What have you been -ing since we talked last?

Thunder is rumbling. Trees are budding out. Over the weekend we started to get our garden beds ready and talked about when and how we are going to plant. We added two grow bags instead of the three additional beds we had talked of adding. This summer is already shaping up to be busier. Violet is taking her first two high school classes, and Abram has some sport camps.

Abram has started soccer and track. I think you have to be a special kind of person to enjoy watching a track meet. Especially if your kid is one or two event kid. I love a track meet. My mom keeps telling me to take pictures but every time he comes around the track (he runs the mile mostly), I forget my phone/camera and can only cheer him on and marvel at how he just keeps his pace. I hope to remember before the end of the season.

This month, I did my first full grocery run (we’ve been using pick up or delivery with the occasional quick run in for a thing or two) in over a year. And my second. Ran into an acquaintance at Target. I’m out of small talk practice and it feels strange. I’m ready for hugs and long conversations over brunch, but not ready to give up the smaller circle and quiet. I doubt I’ll ever get back into the habit of wearing makeup or underwire bras again. Everything feels a little surreal. Talked with some friends and agreed that languishing is a good word. We’ve lived through that. Are still living through it. Rita talked about the all of it all much more eloquently so I’m going to point you in that direction and mostly just share my things.

Watching: I started watching The Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu. I read the book ages ago and knew it might not be the best choice for my mental health, but I wanted something dark and harsh. Lately, I find light hearted, cotton candy escapism grating. I don’t know how else to say it. I know I’ll crave it again (for example, I am beyond excited by the second season of Ted Lasso), but for now, I’m 100% invested in this horrible twisted show. Every episode has made me uncomfortable, a few have made me cry, and for all the terror and discomfort, the thread that makes it a dystopian fantasy is so thin. I can’t seem to turn away. (It makes me think about a conversation about the age appropriateness of The Hunger Games. One of my friends said that what made many adults feel like the appropriate age limit was higher was us thinking “This could actually happen” where as younger kids read it as complete fiction.). On the positive side, I can only grab episodes occasionally as my kids’ bedtimes move later and mine move earlier and it is very much a mature audience show. In family television viewing, Violet and I have been watching episodes of the most recent America’s Next Top Model will hopefully watch the last episode yet this week. Abram and Violet have also introduced me to Gravity Falls which, in my opinion, is golden.

Reading: I finished Boys and Sex by Peggy Orenstein (hard but important), The Gambler (the third in the Wedding Pact series I’ve mentioned). A Woman is No Man by Etaf Rum (so good that I cried in multiple places and wish I had a book club to discuss it), The Wife Upstairs by Rachel Hawkins (unserious good). I’m currently reading The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow and am still listening to The Promised Land by Obama. (It was definitely a bang for your buck buy at almost 30 hours). Creating the family reading time has been so good for me getting back into the reading swing of things. (Though since track and soccer have started it’s not every night as much as it used to be!)

Knitting: I finished a pair of socks for Abram. And died a little inside when I realized I was using the same sock blockers for his as I do for mine. Now I’m knitting on a pair for me (the yarn is Safety Dance from one of my favorite dyers) and then I promised a friend of Jesse’s a pair. I keep telling myself I’m going to do some knitting that isn’t socks this year but I haven’t exactly figured out when as soon I’ll be heading into Christmas sock time.

Making: I’ve finally started Chicago. It about a year each to finish NYC and Washington D.C. Maybe I can speed that up a little bit this time around. (I keep thinking of Marian saying “A thread a night” and I’m trying to do at least a thread every couple.) Our new favorite dinner. I also tried adding chicken feet to my usual chicken stock routine and you guys, I hate that’s it’s true, but it’s absolutely true. If you make homemade stock, you need to find a place where you can get them. (I get mine from a local farmer pre-peeled because I don’t want to deal with dirty chicken feet. I have a line.)

So that’s me as we head into May. (Kinda hard to believe that April is over this week!) What’s new with you? What are your -ings?