I was walking through Target the other day and the display of little kid rain boots made my eyes water. Certain things just catch me. My kids aren’t “kids” any more. When someone posted a picture of a kid I always thought of as Violet’s age behind the wheel of a car (learner’s permit), I felt personally attacked. I want to pause time. Seventh grade is seventh grade, so maybe not right this second, but I’m only months away from two teenagers, so maybe. This whole growing up thing happened over night not at all gradually over the last 14+ years. Why don’t people tell you? (Edited to add: I know people tell you, people never stop telling you, that’s the joke. It’s not funny if you have to explain it.)

My life is the good kind of boring. I clean. I read. I knit. I spend too much time on social media which makes me feel like it might be time to turn it off for a bit (but I like the pretty pictures!!!). I go to sporting events and nag my kids about screen time and picking up their rooms. I’m content and just typing those two words made me teary (ALL. THE. TIME. I TELL YOU.) because it feels so wonderful to be content after the last two years.

Let’s talk some things.

Reading: I read Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner (amazing writing) and The Guncle by Steven Rowley (I want this to be made into a movie or series so badly!!) I need some book suggestions. I miss having my book of the month subscription. I wish there was a version of that for an e-reader. (Someone steal that idea and make millions.)

Watching: The Gilded Age (HBO) – the costume and set design is absolute eye candy. And yay! for a return to episodic television. It’s written by the same person who wrote Downton Abbey and while I don’t love it as much as I love Downton, it has a similar feel. And Just Like That (HBO) – hated it. And watched every single episode. The Woman In the House Across the Street From The Girl in Window (Netflix) – I loved that this was suspenseful and funny. Satire lite. No spoilers, but the fight scene made me laugh out loud. It was just so ridiculous. I think that was the point?

Knitting: I finished a bunch of squares on my sock yarn blanket. If I keep up this pace I will finish some time in 2056. I’m currently knitting a pair of socks from a pair of socks because I didn’t like how they turned out when I did them the first time. I want to get those finished up this week, add a square to the blanket, and then start another project. Socks, sheep pillow, or a hat kit I have around. I haven’t decided yet. I’ll be doing some car passenger knitting in the next couple of weeks which is good because we desperately need some new dishcloths.

Making: An effort to get this house organized before we tear the upstairs apart. Actually, I just keep procrastinating (which is the reason behind the blog post today) so it’s a good thing it keeps getting pushed back.

So that’s me. What are your -ings? I hope this finds you all well and healthy.

I know; it’s Wednesday, but I’m overdue for a post. Most days I’m forced to choose between blogging and something else. Obviously, the something else has won, and on the days when it hasn’t, I’m two paragraphs in before some thing needs my attention right this second. This isn’t a complaint. I’m pleasantly busy and on days when I have more time, I’m reading or knitting or doodling or making lists or working on a project. Or watching basketball. This may be Abram’s last year playing (though I hope it isn’t) and I’m trying to soak up all the bleacher moments I can. I haven’t been as good about capturing little moments with my big (or little) camera and I hope to work on that while also staying off Instagram. (I decided I needed a little break to focus on my own creativity…and never ending to do lists.)

I used my Christmas money and bought those adorable wooden dolls for myself and these leggings. I’m Benjamin Button-ing my soul. Delight and joy in 2022. And omicron, but I can only do what I can do about that. (How are you all? Staying healthy? Mentally? It’s hard work – mental health in a pandemic.)

I had a new friend reach out to me to let me know that the community garden had plots opening up, and I put in and got one. It’s a short walk (an even shorter bike ride) and adds an additional 400 square feet to my garden space. I’m excited to garden with my neighbors and Jesse turned up his nose up at adding more raised beds to our landscaping (at least for the time being) so this was a wonderful compromise. I’ve ordered seeds and a few starts. I’m going to try cucumbers, potatoes, and sweet corn in addition to things that I’ve tried before. As a stretch this year, I’m also going to attempt canning, and I’ve picked up a couple books with that in mind. (This and this if you’re curious.)

Let’s talk things.

Reading: I set a goal of 52 books this year and cancelled my audible subscription. I try and I try but rarely do I get a book to connect on audible. Non-fiction and classics I’ve already read/liked seem to be the best choices, but I just don’t think read-alouds are for me. Here’s what I’ve read since we’ve last chatted: The Good Sister by Sally Hepworth, The Impossible Girl by Lydia Kang, Paper Airplanes by Tabitha Fornay, Writers & Lovers by Lily King, Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty, Everyone in this Room Will Someday be Dead by Emily Austin, and The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood. Writers & Lovers was hands down my favorite of all the above books. I love Lily King and this book was especially delightful. I also really enjoyed Austin’s book. The Love Hypothesis was very trope-y and the whole “broody bad guy except to me” story is not my favorite. I wouldn’t recommend that one.

Knitting: Socks. And socks. And socks. I have plans for other projects. I have no idea if I’ll ever get to them.

Watching: I watched the second season of The Morning Show and the third season of Succession. I find myself drawn to watching them, but I don’t like the characters and I don’t really like the shows because of that, but I also know I’d watch any new seasons of either one so…whatever that means. I absolutely loved Don’t Look Up (Netflix). Being the Ricardos (Prime) was not what I expected, but good – even if I did have hard time with jumps in chronological order. Violet and I are watching Arcane (Netflix). It’s beautiful and heartbreaking and dark. (This may be an unfair generalization, but I think it’s easier to like that kind of thing when you’re 14 and not 43.) Abram and I watched Encanto (Disney+) and have plans to see the newest Spiderman in the theater because we keep hearing how great it is.

Making: I’ve been working on Chicago, but I’m taking a break because I spent one whole evening on it and the next evening realized a mistake and ended up removing every single stitch I had done the night before (and then some). I’m a sucker for a notebook/creativity project and am doing this in 2022. Final decisions for the remodel we’ll be starting in the spring. (I’m not nearly as prepared for this as I was for the kitchen remodel which seems like it could be problematic with shortages, but fingers crossed.) In this kitchen, I’m making this salad, this soup, these meatballs, chili, and this salmon. (I haven’t been very adventurous in the kitchen. Any recipes you can recommend?)

So that’s me. Looking forward to hearing how you are doing and what your -ings are in 2022. Are you starting to feel like you’ve found a post holiday groove?

I should be knitting, or working on an embroidery project, or doing laundry, or wrapping presents, or making beds, or prepping dinner, or any other thing on my to do list, but I don’t feel like it. And while I don’t really have any “things” to share with you, I do feel like being here, so I guess I’ll ramble.

We’re watching Christmas movies (we’ve watched Home Alone twice already) and working on Christmas presents and I’m wondering where the month of November went because it was Halloween, I blinked, it was Thanksgiving, and tomorrow is already December.

Our Thanksgiving was made up of part of our family – some having other plans, some in other states. I laughed a lot and cried a little. We made two pies with two different types of pumpkin and held a taste test. Ate too much and took a walk in the dark wearing a flannel nightgown and leggings commenting on the neighborhood lights. The cold against my cheeks felt like childhood.

Our tree is up. The “real garland” and porch pots and lights decorate the front porch, but the yard is bare and green. The nutcrackers sit atop the bookcases and candles are scattered for extra cozy light, but the nativities and stockings and garlands are still tucked away. I love the giving and warmth and light of this season. I hate the consumerism and forced cheer and too muchness of it.

I needed a new pair of jeans – my body (very) slowly changing from 2020 year of sourdough to 2021 year of Peloton – so I bought a pair of “mom jeans”. I am delighted by them. I also ordered myself a pair of Bass loafers, and pout every time I get an email notifying me of the extended backorder. Fourteen year old me and 43 year old me have a truce brought about by taste and budget. V walks down the stairs in 501’s, Docs, and an oversized sweater, while the mirror reminds me of my additional 29 years of wisdom. V and I laugh in shock when Spotify plays a song we both know and like. “How do you know this?” we say at the same time. (They learned it in an IG reel, I Shazam’d it after hearing it in a television show, the generational differences bridged, but still apparent.)

I feel in limbo. I grieve – mistakes I have made, mistakes others made that broke pieces of me, and whole list of things I wanted, didn’t get, or can’t have. I have a list of things I wish I could do again. Differently. Or the same but with more attention paid. I am the happiest I have been in years. I have lines drawn up around me – lines that feel less like a wall and more like a bubble. I wish I had always had this bubble. I am jealous of people who knew how to create one at a much younger age, who didn’t need to fumble and stumble nearly as often. I am full of all this happy and sad and jealous and content and I don’t know how to hold it so it spills over and runs down my cheeks. I wonder at how a few months ago everything felt raw and hard and now everything feels raw and soft.

This my life right now. Except it isn’t, really. My life is actually more like buying groceries, cheering in stands, nagging about homework, transportation logistics, and staying up too late to be getting up so early. (No one tells you how much the teenage years mimic the baby years in terms of worry and exhaustion or if they do, you don’t know enough to pay attention.)

Thanks for letting me come here and share it with you. I hope you are well.

The to do list is at a whisper for the first time in weeks and it’s Tuesday so I thought I’d say hello. Most of the leaves have fallen (we have two trees that are holding out yet) and we had our first smattering of snow. The neighborhood deer are starting to scrounge for food so we either bring in the bird feeders or they’re emptied over night. (At $80 for a 50 pound bag of safflower, we bring them in.)

Cross country season finished. Basketball began. Swim isn’t quite over yet, but will be soon. I spend hours every week sitting in a car waiting to pick someone up from some thing or another. Running kids, listening to them with friends, and chatting on the sidelines with fellow parents feels wonderful after almost two years.

Being back on meds has created space for me to feel feelings without being overwhelmed by them. And I’m always feeling every thing. I am well and content and happy but also grieving and sad and scared. I still cry a lot. The big jumble is good/comfortable, but hard to write and part of why this little corner has been so quiet. The other reason is things.

Let’s talk about them, shall we:

Knitting: I finished Jesse’s socks, started (and finished) a pair with knitted wit‘s melted crayon colorway, knit up a sockhead hat with some gorgeous merino/cashmere/nylon yarn club V dug out, and now am on the second sock of yet one more pair of socks using must stash’s vespa colorway.

Watching: All that knitting results equates to a lot of television watching. I finished the most recent season of Ted Lasso (Apple TV), You (Netflix), Sex Education (Netflix), and have been watching Succession (HBO). Ted Lasso is still my favorite television show EVER. Movies watched include Black Widow, Free Guy, and Promising Young Woman. Titanic came out on Netflix so watched that one night with V. It’s crazy to me how old that movie is and how it was such a moment. (He totally could have fit. And young Leo…swoony.)

Reading: I finished Verity by Colleen Hoover (not for me), The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek by Kim Michele Richardson (okay), and Serious Moonlight by Jenn Bennett (recommended by V, cute). I have nothing going currently, but a recommendation for Bright Side and have hopes to read something over the weekend.

Making: I have some embroidery projects going for Christmas and have spent a good chunk of time working on my Chicago cross stitch project. I’m already mulling ideas for what I’m going to attempt after Chicago is finished. Copied a neighbor and made this apple cake after she posted it on instagram. It was delicious. We’ve also been doing some puzzling. This one was a favorite. And lastly, I made myself a promise that I would take at least one peloton class a day for the month of October and I’m pretty sure it’s the first time I’ve ever kept a daily October challenge. I rode over 150 miles and hit some fun milestones. (I have 100% drank the peloton kool-aid. I love that thing.)

So that’s me. I’m spending my days getting up early, drinking coffee, checking things off my to do list, making pretty things, loving my people, day dreaming, and going to bed early. Not a bad way to spend a life. I’d love if you caught me up on what you are -ing.